Middle School English Teacher Invents Free Rapid Covid Test

Since Biden can’t figure out how to get enough rapid Covid tests to keep the Covid cases numbers inflated, I thought I’d help out. I spent all of this afternoon coming up with a new rapid Covid test. Between flipping channels, eating lunch and taking a nap, it really did take me all afternoon.

1. Do you have a runny nose? Yes or no.
2. Do you have a fever? Yes or no.
3. Do you have a headache? Yes or no.
4. Do you have a cough? Yes or no.
5. Have you lost your sense of smell? Yes or no.

If you said yes to any of these, I’m pretty positive you have Covid! Stay home. Take high doses of vitamin C, and appropriate doses of D, Zinc and Quercitin. Drink plenty of water and sleep as much as you can. If possible, find a doctor willing to risk his or her career to prescribe Ivermectin and a pharmacy that will fill it for you.

If you said no to all of these, you probably don’t have Covid. Carry on as you were and enjoy life. While you are at it, might as well take high doses of vitamin C and appropriate doses of D, Zinc and Quercitin. Drink plenty of water and sleep as much as you can.

The superior advantages of my really rapid Covid test are as follows:

No sticking q-tips up your nose. No spitting in a tube. No lab needed. No mailing required. No waiting around for the results. No worrying about some unscrupulous lab selling your medical information. No cost to you, except for the small donation you promise to make to me if you use my test. No medical waste. No contribution to the medical tyranny we now face. Big pharma doesn’t get more DNA for research. etc. etc.

The fine print. Not responsible for false positives or negatives. Side effects may include hair on your palms. Oh, wait that’s something else. Um. Oh. Hair on your tongue, increased sperm count (for persons not identifying as female) wait loss (get it? wait loss?), a spring in your step, a crick in your neck, really sick boogers in your nose, the ability to levitate, a loss of concentration, strange craving for pickles and ice cream which may or may not be associated with male pregnancy. Before taking this test consult your doctor. LOL. Yeah. Like anybody actually has a doctor.