For as long as I can remember, I’ve been searching for a place I could belong. Having been raised in a family that went to church every Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night, it is natural that I sought my home in a church. In college, I once attended a service at the Baptist student union and remember hearing a testimony from a fellow student of how God had totally changed her life.
It’s a common refrain, among Protestants especially. “God came in and changed my life and now everything is wonderful and hunky dory.” But that never resonated with me because it never happened to me. I would listen to such testimonials and feel bad that I wasn’t as close to God as others. Something must be wrong with me, I figured.
To be sure, I have felt God’s presence from time to time. Over the years, I have received many consolations from our Lord. Enough to keep me going, but not enough to have resulted in a consistent life of blessing, favor and peace that such testimonials imply.
But that’s probably okay. I think all Christians suffer through times when they don’t feel God’s presence. Such suffering is likely for our eternal benefit, rather than our temporal comfort.
When we are not feeling the presence of God, maybe it is not because he has abandoned us but because he has removed certain supports that we once needed in the spiritual life that we no longer need. He knows we are strong enough to handle the loss of whatever support we once desperately needed. So instead of feeling dismay at the sense of loss, we should take comfort in the idea that we are getting stronger and being trusted more.
- The child’s leg is healing so the doctor can remove the cast.
- The sapling has grown tall and strong enough that the ropes which supported it against the wind can be removed. (Indeed, they must be removed in order to not hinder the tree’s growth.)
- The student can now do grade-level work, so the teacher stops giving the extra help.
- The building is complete so the builder removes the scaffolding his workers once needed to complete it.
When you are feeling the loss of God’s presence that once enveloped you, whether through the loss of an old friend who held you up or of a family member who built you up, don’t despair thinking God has left you. It’s time to stand on your once-broken leg, spread your branches wide and sink your roots deeper into the earth, read on your own without the teacher’s help, and show the world the beautiful building you are, one built by an often silent and seemingly absent God.
RL Martin 