On goodness and mercy

I’ve been thinking a lot about God’s “goodness” these days. The downed pilot who survived crashing in Iran said to his rescuers on Easter Sunday, “God is good.” My son’s name, Toby, means that very thing, “God is good.” And a dear friend of mine this Christmas gave me a hat that says the same thing: “God is good.”

To be honest, I haven’t worn that hat much. Not because I’m ashamed to let people know I’m a Christian. It’s just that lately, I have found myself doubting God’s goodness. Is God really good?

I’ve been sorely hurt by a certain situation in my life. I had wanted a different outcome in a certain matter but didn’t get my heart’s desire. Lately I’ve had bouts of anger. Once I found myself in my car yelling about how unfair life is. “Everything sucks!” I shouted. And then, I told God, “How can you let these things happen? You can’t be good.”

But lately, I have also been reading St. Faustina’s Diary, the “Apostle of Divine Mercy” who claims that God’s Mercy is infinite. “And although evil will attain its measure, in mercy there is no measure.” -St. Maria Faustina Kowalska

In her diary, St. Faustina records frequent conversations she had with Jesus. One time, Jesus told her that “the flames of mercy are burning me–clamoring to be spent; I want to keep pouring them out on souls; souls just don’t want to believe in my goodness.“

How true that is. I know that I don’t want to believe in God’s goodness. When I go to confession and say my act of contrition, I have no problem saying I “detest all my sins because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell…” that much is true. But I have trouble being sincere with the ensuing words “…but most of all because they offend you, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love.”

My sins offend God? But I’m so small and He is so great. He is omnipotent. But yet I am told that is true. And I try hard to believe that my sins actually do hurt Him, that he is “all good and deserving of all my love.”

As to my “God is Good” hat, I’ve decided that if I’m going to wear it, I may need to change my understanding of what “good” actually means. It can’t be as fickle as what the world thinks it means. For instance, I’ve heard Republicans say that Democrats are evil. And I’ve heard Democrats say the same thing about Republicans. In this case, “evil” is a word used to describe people who don’t agree with us. But the true definition of evil cannot be so relative. There must be an objective definition of it.

So it is with “good.” Even clearly bad things can be called good. For instance, a parent might say “that’s good” to their kid who just beat up another kid. “He deserved it.” Many liberals think that having the right to abortion is “good.” That euthanasia is “good”. They’re big on the “greater good,” but Catholics are all about “common good.” Most conservatives say that not having the right to abortion or euthanasia is good.

It seems that the word “good” has fallen prey to relativism, like the terms boy, girl, and marriage, good is a relative term now.

But if I am to wear my new hat, I think I’m in need of a new definition of “good” that is fixed and firm. Good can’t just mean whatever humans want it to mean. We can never agree that this or that is good. God is not good in the way we want Him to be good. God is good in the way that He is.

Think of this: Good Friday is the day Jesus was crucified. Is that good? God does not give me everything I want. Is that good? God sends us crosses and burdens or lets us carry those of our own making. Is that good? Sadly, I think the answer is “Yes.”

All of these seemingly bad things can be understood as good when viewed in light of eternity. This life is short. The path is hard. We don’t always get what we want, but maybe it will help me to remember that God’s mercy is burning Him. He wants so badly to bestow on us His mercy. So many souls do not accept the mercy that Jesus offers us.

So many of us, myself included, struggle to believe in His goodness. That’s probably because we have a worldly, variable, fluctuating, view of the word “good.” If only everyone knew that what “God is good” means is that He is waiting to poor out mercy and grace into our hearts and fortify us for the long weary road ahead, then I would feel more comfortable wearing my hat.

Well, comfortable or not, I suppose it could get some people thinking. When I wear the hat, I’ll pray that whoever sees it will have a yearning to know the true definition of “good” and will receive God’s mercy and love.

As I was writing this, I was reminded of one of my poems:

He said so
I asked my God for this
and he said no
I asked why
and he said, “Because I said so.”
I asked my God for that
and he said no
I asked why
and he said “I said so.”
I asked my God why the bird sings
why the earth spins
why life begins and ends.
He said, “Because I said so.”
Now I’m good to go
next time my God says no
just because he said so.